Watching ‘Stress, Portrait of a Killer – Full Doc 2008 by National Geographic’ ( a 15 minutes version is also available) I’m not so sure about the hard wiring. If baboons can change their culture so radically from aggressive into peaceful why could humans not do it, too?

True, for the baboons the cultural change was only possible after the aggressive stressor jerks of the community were killed by their own damaged immune systems (and some infected meat stolen from humans)…

Epicurus and his friends did not wait for all the aggressive human bullies to kill themselves but formed intentional alternative communities for the cultivation of human flourishing through stress-FREEDOM and friendship.

In fact, in our own days, too, more and more human groups are opting out from the majority’s aggressive hierarchical competitive structures and build alternative communities with different structures, like the 200 year old ordered anarchy on Tristan da Cunha or the hundreds of intentional communities in the US and West Europe.

http://www.politicsofwellbeing.com/2011/06/kalle-lasn-founder-of-adbusters-on.html?spref=fb

Ancient Epicureans had up to 30 “buy nothing days” a month. Even wealthy Roman Epicureans reserved 3-7 days a month for austerity: they slept on the hard floor and ate only bread and drank only water. The sense of this exercise was to keep up their faith in the doctrine that what [is thought by most people as] hard is in fact easy to put up with. It showed them that they can be happy without their belongings, supplies and services – a state pretty often achieved in cases when the emperor wanted their property for his friends and exiled them.

I had periods in my life when I had to live on extremely meager resources and I can say that this fact never affected my mental well being. Even if I don’t need to convince myself of this fact I still keep a bread-and-water day every now and then, just as a reminder of one of the techniques of stress-FREEDOM.

“pride is an inward directed emotion that exemplifies either a high sense of one’s personal status or ego (i.e., leading to judgments of personality and character) or the specific mostly positive emotion that is a product of praise or independent self-reflection.” (Wikipedia)

Especially Epicureans should be ashamed of it and work hard at getting rid of it as soon as possible since its ugly head indicates an over-inflated ego or a dangerous vulnerability to praise. If independent self-reflection should lead to pride one ought to improve one’s self-reflective skills. Urgently.

I can’t help feeling proud of my friends, though.

It took me over forty years to understand that I don’t understand the correlation between my needs, my desires and the way I satisfy those desires, resulting in stressing myself, my  friends and family, my coworkers and supervisors, clients and suppliers. It took me another five years to read all the relevant books on Epicurean life techniques and happiness studies to work my way out of the jungle and another five years to hone my tools by using them to set people free of their self-defeating beliefs and  unhealthy habits and help them dismantle the walls they build between themselves and their pathway to happiness through congruence and stress-FREEDOM. It took me another year and the invaluable support of my wife to write a wise AND funny book for those who are interested in spending the rest of their lives walking toward their own happiness instead of working for their own or someone else’s greed.

My friends, however, must have been born wise and don’t seem to need the distilled fruits of hard-earned practical wisdom packed in nicely wrapped palatable pieces of advice. They must be champions in analyzing their desires, in satisfying their natural needs through synergistic satisfiers, in keeping their lifestyle and behavior patterns in line with their values and attitudes, serenely threading down their own proven pathways from pain to pleasure, producing their own happiness though congruence and stress-FREEDOM.

I must assume they do all this judging from the absence of their comments on the excerpts of my book that I have been publishing in sequels in my blog. The only topic they mildly reacted to was sequel 15: “How Is It Possible To Find Romantic Love? “

Complete strangers ask me when  will my book be available in print and on kindl, when will I start training and coaching sessions on the Galenian Epicurean Conduct of Life, or at least publicly speak about it. (Which I don’t’ know yet. I still have to take care of my health and the happiness of my family.)

But it’s a relief that my friends are doing well, confidently threading their own pathways toward happiness.( Or what they believe is happiness?)

It’s a shame to feel proud but who could help not being proud of them? (Maybe Epicurus?)

take-aways from the chapter “slavery”

* Until we take responsibility for much of what happens in our own lives, we are slaves to our feelings of fear.

* We must understand how our fears are manifest in our behaviors and thoughts before we can take steps to eradicate them.

* Happiness — that is, freedom from anxiety, or stress-FREEDOM — is impossible until we stop engaging in behaviors that perpetuate our anxieties.

* We must change our thinking so that we don’t see ourselves as victims of outside forces such as physical disabilities, others’ opinions, and heredity.

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

“Victimitis”

Especially susceptible to their fears are those with a condition known as “victimitis.” The term may not be in a medical dictionary, or any other dictionary for that matter, but it is, nonetheless, a serious condition. Victimitis experts theorize that sufferers have more of a struggle to break the chains of slavery and reach stress-FREEDOM than others because victims start their journey being less fit.

Victimitis is caused by a belief in one’s powerlessness and hopelessness while at the same time investing others with considerable, almost mythical, powers, including control over the patient’s life. Left untreated, victimitis usually causes paralysis of the cerebrum, the part of the brain that controls thinking and memory.

Symptoms include absence of self-confidence, loss of rational and logical thinking skills and occasionally bitterness, with petulant utterances like, “This is all your fault,” “She made me do it,” “It’s his own fault — he made me so angry I didn’t have a choice but to shoot him in the foot,”  “I couldn’t help it – I’m just not good at keeping secrets,” and “Boys will be boys.” Victimitis sufferers believe that life is much easier when power and blame are delegated to others. Oddly, the part of the victim’s cerebrum that controls the ability to take credit is relatively untouched.

There are two reports of rare manifestations of victimitis. In the first case, the patient, a 400 lb. female, was interviewed on the Dr. Phil TV show, and responded to the question, “When did your weight start to get out of control?” by declaring in no uncertain terms that it began one day several years ago when she was bitten by a spider.

The second case manifested itself in a pop-rock song several years ago in which the singer subtly asks his audience to shed a few tears and shake their heads in knowing sympathy after learning of his pitiful victimitis (although the song does have a catchy rhythm and it’s easy to dance to):

And now you tell me that you’re having my baby,

I’ll tell you that I’m happy if you want me to…

Take one step further and my back will break,

If my best isn’t good enough

Than how can it be good enough for two?

I can’t work any harder than I do…

Somebody tell me

Why I work so hard for you -

Why do I do the things I do?

Tell you if I knew.

Wham!, “Everything She Wants”

Incidentally, this case is remarkable in another way as well: It is believed to be the first case in recorded history of an immaculate insemination.

If you feel yourself slip-sliding down a slope towards victimhood, ask yourself a very important question: What role am I playing in this situation? If you left an expensive bicycle propped up against a tree overnight in the neighborhood park and went back the next day to discover it missing, would you blame the rotten kids in the neighborhood, the negligent police, your mate for giving you the bike in the first place, and the people who live across the street for not watching closely enough? It may not be clear to you, but it would be to others: Your irresponsible behavior in forgetting to take it home played a significant role in its disappearance, independent of anyone else’s actions.

The only cure for victimitis is finding a mechanism to release the victim’s brain from its grip, thereby restoring rational brain function and allowing self-confidence to thrive. There are no pills or special herbs at this time (although someone somewhere is probably working on it).

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE:  http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

Fear of loneliness

As you will see in the Needs section, human beings have a need for affection and intimacy. Very few people would choose to be without it. (I know, I know, sometimes you dream about the pleasures of being completely alone, but you wouldn’t continue to enjoy it long-term, especially if the alone-ness was forced on you rather than being a choice you made. What do I mean by “forced” on you? I mean a beloved spouse dies and your family members, if you have any, live far away. Or you find your middle-aged self divorced and alone.) The craving for physical touch and intimacy can be excruciating. Loneliness is painful and therefore thwarts our attempts to reach stress-FREEDOM.

Poor choices are common among those who don’t believe they could handle the pain of loneliness. A few examples:

* A decision to stay in an abusive relationship

* A decision to marry a person while ignoring the nagging doubts about the success of a permanent relationship.

* A variation on that decision: A decision to marry because of pregnancy while ignoring the small warning voices in your head.

* A decision to sabotage a promising career (for example, refuse a job transfer) because of a girlfriend or boyfriend or because of the fear of not knowing anyone in the new location.

By making these kinds of decisions, a person is declaring that he or she is unable to endure the pain of loneliness. A better decision is to believe one is capable of overcoming the possibility of loneliness by changing one’s perceptions and helping one view his or herself as lovable and capable. I am sincerely hopeful that your excursion through From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness proves useful in giving you tips and tools to change any negative attitudes you may have that prevent you from living a stress-free existence.

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

SLAVERY (5) >> LET’S PUT OUR FEARS UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

Fear of Disrespect

We might not even realize we fear disrespect, because it permeates the foundation of so many human behaviors. Show me, you say? Here’s a smattering of examples:

* You begrudgingly put up elaborate Christmas decorations in your front yard and on your house because the people around you do and you don’t want to have to answer the question as to why you’re not in the Christmas spirit by saying, truthfully, “I’d rather sit and watch football and drink beer.”

* You buy mouthwash and wrinkle cream because you don’t want to be embarrassed by bad breath and aging skin and have people talk about your lack of self-respect and personal hygiene.

* You are far from obese but you want to lose just a few more pounds (I’m onto you though – you just want to say you’re a size 6 instead of an 8, yes? I’m right, aren’t I?).

* You want to hang your sheets and towels outside to dry because you love the fresh scent, but you don’t because it is considered uncouth in your gated community.

* The neighbors hear a nasty fight between you and your husband one night that includes the sound of breaking glass and slamming doors, but you both get up as usual the next morning and head off to church, holding hands, all the while gritting your teeth in order to keep up appearances.

* Your son drops out of Princeton because he was miserable there, but you don’t tell anyone because of what they no doubt would think about your parenting skills or your son’s lack of breeding.

* You lose your job but continue on with the same lifestyle to save face with your peers.

As you may have deduced from these examples, a fear of disrespect compels us to worry about what people think and say behind our backs; it may drive us to abandon our values; seek a higher social status; and live beyond our means — another reason to lay awake nights with worry and stress about our ever-increasing debt load. These reactions can’t lead to stress-FREEDOM — they are dead-end roads.

SLAVERY (1)

You’ve probably never thought of yourself as a slave (unless you count cleaning toilets and ironing shirts). But you’re about to see how we’re all slaves — slaves to fear. I don’t mean fear of slimy swamp creatures and monsters in the closet, even of losing our jobs or becoming very ill. I’m talking about the same kind of fear Roosevelt referred to more than 75 years ago.

The fear we are slaves to is of something shapeless and cloudy inside our heads. The good news is we can break the chains of emotional slavery and find stress-FREEDOM if we:

* Understand how we got shackled in the first place

* Recognize that we’re the only ones who can set us free

* Have the tools to unlock the chains

* Commit ourselves to the task

We’ll define slavery in this particular context as:

A state of being deprived of freedom

Until we can break free from the chains of fear, we will continue to deprive ourselves of a pain- and anxiety-free existence. In other words, the life of happiness we all seek — a state of stress-FREEDOM.

WHAT WE’RE AFRAID OF

There are many slave drivers that have taken up residence in our heads, including fear of:

Pain

Loneliness

Disrespect

Failure

Poverty

Death

At first glance, you may scoff and say, “No, not me!” But if we examine the concepts further, you may adjust your thinking. This is a long list of questions, but it must be in order for us to fully explore our self-defeating behaviors.

Please answer with a “yes” or a “no”:

1. Do you regularly drink more than you intended to?

2. Do you dislike, and even try to avoid, criticism?

3. Do you worry about what others may be saying about you?

4. Do you believe some events are just a matter fate?

5. Are you comfortable taking risks?

6. Does someone in your life “have it in for you”? That is, does someone just not like you and want to cause you trouble and grief at every opportunity?

7. Do you sometimes berate yourself for spending too much on your wardrobe?

8. Do you change your hair color fairly often?

9. Do you want to have washboard abs?

10. Do you sometimes think of yourself as a loser?

11. Do you carry over credit card debt from month to month?

12. Do you envy others who are thin and trim?

13. Are you planning the-wedding-of-all-weddings?

14. Are you staying in an abusive relationship?

15. Do you pick up “dates” in bars?

16. Do you use hair growth formulas because you’re balding?

17. Do you whiten your teeth?

18. Do you occasionally get embarrassed by your spouse’s behavior at a party?

19. Are you afraid to be seen without makeup?

20. When another person dominates the conversation, name-drops, and brags about his accomplishments, do you respond in kind?

21. Do you ignore physical symptoms and avoid going to the doctor?

22. Are you reluctant to simplify your lifestyle in times of financial trouble?

23. Do you sometimes feel that you just don’t measure up, that you are not handsome or sexy or rich or smart enough?

24. Do you ever exaggerate your accomplishments or take sole credit for something you were only a part of?

25. Have you ever gone to a movie or out to a nice restaurant alone?

26. Do you tend to be offended by criticism?

27. Do you routinely cave in to pressure and then later want to kick yourself (e.g., drink more than you know you should just to be sociable at parties; agree to chair a committee when you know you don’t have the time to do a good job)?

28. Do you say “It’s just not fair” frequently?

29. Do you sabotage yourself, e.g., violate the terms of a weight-loss plan or drop out of a class you really wanted to take, for a flimsy reason?

30. Do you need to be right and to prevail in every disagreement?

31. Do you consistently blame other factors when things go badly for you?

32. Do you usually ignore the “small voice in your head” (your conscience) when it is saying something contrary to what you have made up your mind to do?

A “yes” answer to any of these questions does not automatically make you a slave, but you should ask yourself why you answered the question the way you did. Was it because you studied the benefits and consequences and then made a free and conscious choice after you determined it will help you along in your quest for happiness? Or was it because:

* You want your in-laws to know you are prosperous.

* You have an image of stylishness and attractiveness to maintain.

* You want people to think you are smart.

* You don’t want people to know how smart you are.

* You don’t want people to think you made a poor decision.

* You don’t want to die.

* You don’t want to be lonely.

* You want to meet others’ expectations.

* You believe the ads in magazines and on TV that attempt to persuade you of the importance of owning the latest electronic gadgets, driving a luxury car, transforming yourself into a silky blonde, drinking manly beer, being buff, thin, beautiful, well-dressed and fragrant.

* You must “keep up appearances.”

* You need to prove you’re “hip” or macho.

* The thought of meeting expectations — yours or another’s —  is frightening enough to make you want to fail.

If you can see yourself in any of these statements, you are a slave to at least one fear, and probably more. This means you continually live in a state of stress, and when you are in a state of stress, you cannot find happiness. Only stress-FREEDOM can lead you to happiness. I’ll describe each of these fears in more detail so that becomes clearer.

<end of sequel 1 – to be continued>

stress-FREEDOM, pain, pleasure, happiness, Epicurus, Epicurean

The means: expectation management, friends and family.

The culture of Epicurean stress-FREEDOM in being cultivated on a national scale in Denmark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shepBx2ogJo

• • pain
  • a lack of control over environmental circumstances, such as food, housing, health, freedom
  • social issues such as social defeat, relationship conflict, deception, break-ups
  • major events such as birth, death, marriage, and divorce
  • life experiences such as poverty, unemployment, exams, deadlines

Why are these very common issues and experiences perceived by many as threats? If they are so common, why are we not appropriately prepared for them? Is our failure to cope with the most common issues not a result of the malfunction of those whose responsibility it is to prepare us for life? Have our parents, teachers, educators and counselors all failed us?

Epicurus, the founder of the Epicurean school of philosophy and happiness-boosting life conduct, suffered all his life from a bladder pain that finally killed him. This fact, however, did not interfere with his pursuit of happiness, even though they had no pain relief medicines in 271 BCE.

So what was Epicurus’s secret?  His “four-part cure,” in Greek “tetrapharmakos,” can give us a hint:

Don’t fear the gods,
Don’t worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure

But his anti-stress medicine could not be swallowed at once with a glass of water. His followers had to chew and digest it over many years in their communal educative life-schools. The effort must have been worthwhile since the Epicurean circles of friends flourished over 800 years from 300 BCE till 500 CE.

So how was Epicurus’s stress-prevention program practiced?

The Epicureans did not give up their possessions as the Pythagoreans did, since that would have prevented them from generously sharing their resources with each other. They did not rebel against the state and its institutions, as the Cynics did, since they relied on the state to protect them in exchange for performing their duties as citizens. (Epicurus himself went to Athens for his two-year term of military service at the age of 18.) They did not plot against rulers or attempt revolutions, as the Platonists did, since they believed that the exercise of political power beyond the bounds of their own self-administrative communes endangered their peace of mind, necessary for a good life in freedom and happiness. For the same reason they did not participate in state affairs, as the Stoics did. They kept a low profile according to one of their principles: “lathe biosas,” in English,” live unobtrusively” or “unnoticed.”

This is what they did: The happiness-seekers lived together in communities where they could individually and collectively promote each others’ progress on their pathways from pain to pleasure. They studied intensively Epicurus’s therapeutical writings and memorized the most important precepts so they had them ready at hand the moment the specific philosophical-psychological pill was needed. They gave each other feedback on their progress and those who were more advanced helped the others in the way modern life-coaches and trainers do through lectures, discussions, conversations, and practical activities.

How  can an Epicurean lifestyle prevent each of life’s main “stressors”? Through the education and continuous practice of stress-busting, happiness-boosting attitudes towards all the issues related to pain, fear, frustration experienced today as social defeat, relationship conflict, deception, break-ups, births, deaths, divorce, poverty, unemployment, exams, and deadlines.

I will take up these issues individually and describe how Epicureans dealt with them over eight centuries and how we can deal with them today.