Dear Friends of the Epicurean Philosophy, I am happy that you make Epicurus’s voice heard again.

His is the only Gospel that has been valid unchanged for 2300 years.

He has taught us how to break free from our fears and from the slavery of unnecessary and unnatural desires by finding out what we really need.

Epicurus has shown us the proven pathway from pain to pleasure and how we can lead a happy life by cultivating mental peace (ataraxia) and companionate love (philia).

His teachings will never lose their liberating relevance because they are based on the study of the nature of things.

The more people follow in his footsteps the better place our world will be to live in.

Stefan Streitferdt

author of the Epicurean happiness guidance

“From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”

-          first: if happiness consists of the fulfilling of human possibilities then there must be broadly applicable rules for attaining it.

-          second: in this case we can “learn happiness”  by following these rules.

They stressed rather the process and not one or the other event.  A happy life meant for them a contented life a life lived in harmony with their values and tastes. The core elements of happiness were:

- inner peace and freedom (in the sense of not being disturbed by passions)

- physical and psychological independence

How did they achieve this state?

The ancient Greeks strongly believed in practice: “everything is practice” – they used to say. Philosophers ran in fact “happiness schools” to train the mind of their students. They believed that insight helped only when people were trained to apply it. Their goal was to form the student’s character so that he would live a happier and more balanced life. The key was the purposeful repetition of certain experiences.

The central thought of classical philosophy about happiness is today still valid and corroborated by modern science, especially neurobiology: positive feelings are not a matter of destiny. We can and must strive for them.

Do not confuse this concept of happiness with the modern – and unrealistic – idea interpreting it as a pleasure without a history and without costs.

You can find the results of modern scientific research on happiness in Stefan Klein’s book: The science of happiness. http://www.stefanklein.info/en/index_en.html

See also: http://www.gluecksformel.de/links.html – lots of relevant links, most of them in German but some also in English

“pride is an inward directed emotion that exemplifies either a high sense of one’s personal status or ego (i.e., leading to judgments of personality and character) or the specific mostly positive emotion that is a product of praise or independent self-reflection.” (Wikipedia)

Especially Epicureans should be ashamed of it and work hard at getting rid of it as soon as possible since its ugly head indicates an over-inflated ego or a dangerous vulnerability to praise. If independent self-reflection should lead to pride one ought to improve one’s self-reflective skills. Urgently.

I can’t help feeling proud of my friends, though.

It took me over forty years to understand that I don’t understand the correlation between my needs, my desires and the way I satisfy those desires, resulting in stressing myself, my  friends and family, my coworkers and supervisors, clients and suppliers. It took me another five years to read all the relevant books on Epicurean life techniques and happiness studies to work my way out of the jungle and another five years to hone my tools by using them to set people free of their self-defeating beliefs and  unhealthy habits and help them dismantle the walls they build between themselves and their pathway to happiness through congruence and stress-FREEDOM. It took me another year and the invaluable support of my wife to write a wise AND funny book for those who are interested in spending the rest of their lives walking toward their own happiness instead of working for their own or someone else’s greed.

My friends, however, must have been born wise and don’t seem to need the distilled fruits of hard-earned practical wisdom packed in nicely wrapped palatable pieces of advice. They must be champions in analyzing their desires, in satisfying their natural needs through synergistic satisfiers, in keeping their lifestyle and behavior patterns in line with their values and attitudes, serenely threading down their own proven pathways from pain to pleasure, producing their own happiness though congruence and stress-FREEDOM.

I must assume they do all this judging from the absence of their comments on the excerpts of my book that I have been publishing in sequels in my blog. The only topic they mildly reacted to was sequel 15: “How Is It Possible To Find Romantic Love? “

Complete strangers ask me when  will my book be available in print and on kindl, when will I start training and coaching sessions on the Galenian Epicurean Conduct of Life, or at least publicly speak about it. (Which I don’t’ know yet. I still have to take care of my health and the happiness of my family.)

But it’s a relief that my friends are doing well, confidently threading their own pathways toward happiness.( Or what they believe is happiness?)

It’s a shame to feel proud but who could help not being proud of them? (Maybe Epicurus?)

take-aways from the chapter “slavery”

* Until we take responsibility for much of what happens in our own lives, we are slaves to our feelings of fear.

* We must understand how our fears are manifest in our behaviors and thoughts before we can take steps to eradicate them.

* Happiness — that is, freedom from anxiety, or stress-FREEDOM — is impossible until we stop engaging in behaviors that perpetuate our anxieties.

* We must change our thinking so that we don’t see ourselves as victims of outside forces such as physical disabilities, others’ opinions, and heredity.

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

“Victimitis”

Especially susceptible to their fears are those with a condition known as “victimitis.” The term may not be in a medical dictionary, or any other dictionary for that matter, but it is, nonetheless, a serious condition. Victimitis experts theorize that sufferers have more of a struggle to break the chains of slavery and reach stress-FREEDOM than others because victims start their journey being less fit.

Victimitis is caused by a belief in one’s powerlessness and hopelessness while at the same time investing others with considerable, almost mythical, powers, including control over the patient’s life. Left untreated, victimitis usually causes paralysis of the cerebrum, the part of the brain that controls thinking and memory.

Symptoms include absence of self-confidence, loss of rational and logical thinking skills and occasionally bitterness, with petulant utterances like, “This is all your fault,” “She made me do it,” “It’s his own fault — he made me so angry I didn’t have a choice but to shoot him in the foot,”  “I couldn’t help it – I’m just not good at keeping secrets,” and “Boys will be boys.” Victimitis sufferers believe that life is much easier when power and blame are delegated to others. Oddly, the part of the victim’s cerebrum that controls the ability to take credit is relatively untouched.

There are two reports of rare manifestations of victimitis. In the first case, the patient, a 400 lb. female, was interviewed on the Dr. Phil TV show, and responded to the question, “When did your weight start to get out of control?” by declaring in no uncertain terms that it began one day several years ago when she was bitten by a spider.

The second case manifested itself in a pop-rock song several years ago in which the singer subtly asks his audience to shed a few tears and shake their heads in knowing sympathy after learning of his pitiful victimitis (although the song does have a catchy rhythm and it’s easy to dance to):

And now you tell me that you’re having my baby,

I’ll tell you that I’m happy if you want me to…

Take one step further and my back will break,

If my best isn’t good enough

Than how can it be good enough for two?

I can’t work any harder than I do…

Somebody tell me

Why I work so hard for you -

Why do I do the things I do?

Tell you if I knew.

Wham!, “Everything She Wants”

Incidentally, this case is remarkable in another way as well: It is believed to be the first case in recorded history of an immaculate insemination.

If you feel yourself slip-sliding down a slope towards victimhood, ask yourself a very important question: What role am I playing in this situation? If you left an expensive bicycle propped up against a tree overnight in the neighborhood park and went back the next day to discover it missing, would you blame the rotten kids in the neighborhood, the negligent police, your mate for giving you the bike in the first place, and the people who live across the street for not watching closely enough? It may not be clear to you, but it would be to others: Your irresponsible behavior in forgetting to take it home played a significant role in its disappearance, independent of anyone else’s actions.

The only cure for victimitis is finding a mechanism to release the victim’s brain from its grip, thereby restoring rational brain function and allowing self-confidence to thrive. There are no pills or special herbs at this time (although someone somewhere is probably working on it).

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE:  http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

Fear of death

“My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth – that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally – but I didn’t want to upset him.”  (Jack Handy)

A fear of death is a waste of energy. Death is as natural as blue eyes and blowing your nose, and it’s as inevitable as rain. When I was 8 years old, I was scared silly of going to the dentist. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I even contemplated running away. Sure, getting fillings in those days was no picnic, but my anticipation of it was far worse than actually experiencing it. But I digress. Back to death.

Are you afraid of dying because you’re worried about what will become of your children? Some of what happens to your children after your death is under your control, such as their living arrangements and legal guardianship; and some can be influenced by you in advance, for example by preparing them emotionally or helping to boost their self-confidence and independence. Besides, your staying alive is no guarantee that harm will never befall them.

Are you afraid of dying because it might be painful? There’s that fear of pain again. Sure, there’s a chance it might be, but the pain you’ve experienced from a migraine headache, a broken bone, a gunshot wound, or a hammer pounded on your head may have been worse. And if you suffer from a painful disease before you die, or you’re badly injured in a car accident, there are drugs to alleviate the pain and keep you comfortable. We don’t have to bite on bullets anymore.

What other elements of dying do you fear? If you can exert some control over them, make the decision to figure out how to take charge. If you can’t, worrying, or even thinking, about them won’t make a smidgeon of difference in how events finally play out.

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” (Steven Wright)

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

Fear of failure

Many people believe that an opportunity for failure lurks around every corner like a swarthy stranger in a trench coat. They are probably right. That’s why it would be folly to proceed into the treacherous neighborhood of opportunities without sufficiently equipping ourselves with the right weapons.

A small sampling of swarthy strangers in trench coats:

• Becoming a parent                             • Learning to ski

• Losing weight for health reasons         • Closing the deal

• Pursuing a lifelong dream                    • Painting the bathroom

• Running for office                                           • Going to college

• Accepting a promotion                                   • Quitting cigarettes

with added responsibilities

Fear of failure is common. But letting it deter us from taking advantage of an opportunity may very well be a source of anxiety and stress greater than any resulting from taking on the challenge. An ironic truth is that some of us engage in self-defeating behaviors: We won’t even make an attempt to lose weight, for example, because of a fear of the failure brought about by success. We believe people will reset their expectations of us — that after we meet our goal we will immediately have a love life and have stylish new clothes and be, um, more attractive — and we know we might not be able to rise to these expectations. The same can be true for those who study and study but never quite get over the final hurdle for a degree or license or certification. And we’ve all probably heard news reports of recently released prisoners who purposely commit a crime so they can return to the only place they know where expectations are very low. We all probably sabotage ourselves at one time or another, including by knowingly setting our goals too high.

We don’t always have control over the indicators for “failure”; for example, if our cumulative grade point average is too low to meet the entrance requirements for college X, it is not a personal failure or a flaw and it doesn’t mean we’re losers. All it means is we did not meet that institution’s criteria, which are in place for specific reasons maybe known only to the college. The same grade point average may still gain acceptance at college Y or college Z. Similarly, if you’re not tall enough to be allowed to ride the Wicked Whirling Tornado at the county fair, it’s not a personal failure. (Of course, your fear of failure here may mean that your Sweetie Dumpling will get on the ride with Slim instead of you, but who needs that kind of fickle female anyway! You’ve discovered the upside: Because you’re short you can discover her true colors.) If you still want to ride, try again next year.

Unfortunately, we can fear failure because we have an unjustifiable lack of confidence in our abilities (for example, refusing to enroll in a photography class because you just KNOW you won’t be any good); or because we choose to undertake an endeavor we believe to be against our best interests in an attempt to meet someone else’s expectations (for example, going to law school for a parent who enjoyed great success in the profession, even though your real love is the performing arts).

I’m not suggesting we dismiss the idea of failure altogether. It’s always a possibility. But if we are tenacious and committed to a goal and have self-confidence and a justifiable belief in our strengths and skills, the chances of failure are greatly diminished. And, most important, failure is a failure only if we judge it to be — not others.

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

Fear of loneliness

As you will see in the Needs section, human beings have a need for affection and intimacy. Very few people would choose to be without it. (I know, I know, sometimes you dream about the pleasures of being completely alone, but you wouldn’t continue to enjoy it long-term, especially if the alone-ness was forced on you rather than being a choice you made. What do I mean by “forced” on you? I mean a beloved spouse dies and your family members, if you have any, live far away. Or you find your middle-aged self divorced and alone.) The craving for physical touch and intimacy can be excruciating. Loneliness is painful and therefore thwarts our attempts to reach stress-FREEDOM.

Poor choices are common among those who don’t believe they could handle the pain of loneliness. A few examples:

* A decision to stay in an abusive relationship

* A decision to marry a person while ignoring the nagging doubts about the success of a permanent relationship.

* A variation on that decision: A decision to marry because of pregnancy while ignoring the small warning voices in your head.

* A decision to sabotage a promising career (for example, refuse a job transfer) because of a girlfriend or boyfriend or because of the fear of not knowing anyone in the new location.

By making these kinds of decisions, a person is declaring that he or she is unable to endure the pain of loneliness. A better decision is to believe one is capable of overcoming the possibility of loneliness by changing one’s perceptions and helping one view his or herself as lovable and capable. I am sincerely hopeful that your excursion through From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness proves useful in giving you tips and tools to change any negative attitudes you may have that prevent you from living a stress-free existence.

You may  download now the whole the first chapter (“Slavery”) of my e-book “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness”  FREE: http://stressfreedomguide.com/free/1/freechapter.html

This chain reaction reminded me of the side effects of the Epicurean conduct of life: health, contentment, happiness and self-sufficiency. And, to quote Epicurus: “Freedom is the greatest fruit of self-sufficiency”.

SLAVERY (1)

You’ve probably never thought of yourself as a slave (unless you count cleaning toilets and ironing shirts). But you’re about to see how we’re all slaves — slaves to fear. I don’t mean fear of slimy swamp creatures and monsters in the closet, even of losing our jobs or becoming very ill. I’m talking about the same kind of fear Roosevelt referred to more than 75 years ago.

The fear we are slaves to is of something shapeless and cloudy inside our heads. The good news is we can break the chains of emotional slavery and find stress-FREEDOM if we:

* Understand how we got shackled in the first place

* Recognize that we’re the only ones who can set us free

* Have the tools to unlock the chains

* Commit ourselves to the task

We’ll define slavery in this particular context as:

A state of being deprived of freedom

Until we can break free from the chains of fear, we will continue to deprive ourselves of a pain- and anxiety-free existence. In other words, the life of happiness we all seek — a state of stress-FREEDOM.

WHAT WE’RE AFRAID OF

There are many slave drivers that have taken up residence in our heads, including fear of:

Pain

Loneliness

Disrespect

Failure

Poverty

Death

At first glance, you may scoff and say, “No, not me!” But if we examine the concepts further, you may adjust your thinking. This is a long list of questions, but it must be in order for us to fully explore our self-defeating behaviors.

Please answer with a “yes” or a “no”:

1. Do you regularly drink more than you intended to?

2. Do you dislike, and even try to avoid, criticism?

3. Do you worry about what others may be saying about you?

4. Do you believe some events are just a matter fate?

5. Are you comfortable taking risks?

6. Does someone in your life “have it in for you”? That is, does someone just not like you and want to cause you trouble and grief at every opportunity?

7. Do you sometimes berate yourself for spending too much on your wardrobe?

8. Do you change your hair color fairly often?

9. Do you want to have washboard abs?

10. Do you sometimes think of yourself as a loser?

11. Do you carry over credit card debt from month to month?

12. Do you envy others who are thin and trim?

13. Are you planning the-wedding-of-all-weddings?

14. Are you staying in an abusive relationship?

15. Do you pick up “dates” in bars?

16. Do you use hair growth formulas because you’re balding?

17. Do you whiten your teeth?

18. Do you occasionally get embarrassed by your spouse’s behavior at a party?

19. Are you afraid to be seen without makeup?

20. When another person dominates the conversation, name-drops, and brags about his accomplishments, do you respond in kind?

21. Do you ignore physical symptoms and avoid going to the doctor?

22. Are you reluctant to simplify your lifestyle in times of financial trouble?

23. Do you sometimes feel that you just don’t measure up, that you are not handsome or sexy or rich or smart enough?

24. Do you ever exaggerate your accomplishments or take sole credit for something you were only a part of?

25. Have you ever gone to a movie or out to a nice restaurant alone?

26. Do you tend to be offended by criticism?

27. Do you routinely cave in to pressure and then later want to kick yourself (e.g., drink more than you know you should just to be sociable at parties; agree to chair a committee when you know you don’t have the time to do a good job)?

28. Do you say “It’s just not fair” frequently?

29. Do you sabotage yourself, e.g., violate the terms of a weight-loss plan or drop out of a class you really wanted to take, for a flimsy reason?

30. Do you need to be right and to prevail in every disagreement?

31. Do you consistently blame other factors when things go badly for you?

32. Do you usually ignore the “small voice in your head” (your conscience) when it is saying something contrary to what you have made up your mind to do?

A “yes” answer to any of these questions does not automatically make you a slave, but you should ask yourself why you answered the question the way you did. Was it because you studied the benefits and consequences and then made a free and conscious choice after you determined it will help you along in your quest for happiness? Or was it because:

* You want your in-laws to know you are prosperous.

* You have an image of stylishness and attractiveness to maintain.

* You want people to think you are smart.

* You don’t want people to know how smart you are.

* You don’t want people to think you made a poor decision.

* You don’t want to die.

* You don’t want to be lonely.

* You want to meet others’ expectations.

* You believe the ads in magazines and on TV that attempt to persuade you of the importance of owning the latest electronic gadgets, driving a luxury car, transforming yourself into a silky blonde, drinking manly beer, being buff, thin, beautiful, well-dressed and fragrant.

* You must “keep up appearances.”

* You need to prove you’re “hip” or macho.

* The thought of meeting expectations — yours or another’s —  is frightening enough to make you want to fail.

If you can see yourself in any of these statements, you are a slave to at least one fear, and probably more. This means you continually live in a state of stress, and when you are in a state of stress, you cannot find happiness. Only stress-FREEDOM can lead you to happiness. I’ll describe each of these fears in more detail so that becomes clearer.

<end of sequel 1 – to be continued>

stress-FREEDOM, pain, pleasure, happiness, Epicurus, Epicurean