My friends can buy the little funny Epicurean happiness guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” I wrote with my wife as a paperback either form Amazon or directly from my own eStore, also powered by Amazon through CreateSpace.

I encourage my friends to buy from my eStore, as the royalties paid by Amazon are less than one dollar per sold copy and will not contribute substantially toward paying my huge hospital bills.

I have also reminded my friends that life is too short to spend any minute of it worrying or stressing out ourselves and others and that stress can be deadly. (If they want to have the facts, they can read my stress report – downloadable for free here.)

The one question most people stress out over every year in December is “What presents to make whom?” Those of my friends who have not made a decision yet should seriously consider buying my little funny Epicurean happiness guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” as it it is the ideal present they can give anybody you love and care for, including their precious selves.

If they are on a lower budget this year, they can still get the downloadable eBook version for half of the price of the paperback here

In addition, they can still download the first chapter for free here

The most precious present I received came from my oncologist: as per last medical checkup: I am still cancer-FREE, no recurrence so far.

I gave a talk on Epicurus’s life, teachings, and influence in August this year in Madison, Wisconsin. The professional young man who made the video recording lost most of it. My son edited the footage I recorded myself from a silly angle and he uploaded the first two parts – Epicurus’s life and teachings –  to his ownYouTube channel as it is 34 minutes long and I cannot upload to my own channel anything longer than 15 minutes.

As for the third part, Epicurus’s influence, I still have the slides and the sound recording and I plan to make more slides and record a presentation at home.

My recommendation to my friends was this year to enjoy every single day of their remaining lives in leisurely stress-FREEDOM, quoting Epicurus: “We have been born once and cannot be born a second time; for all eternity we shall no longer exist. But you, although you are not in control of tomorrow, are postponing your happiness. Life is wasted by delaying, and each one of us dies without enjoying leisure.”

You can subscribe to my blog if you click in the top right corner of the site http://stress-freedom.net/ either on the link FEEDS BY EMAIL if you want to become an email every time I post or on  the link, or RSS FEEDS if you want to read my new postings in your web-based news reader

the full interview (23 min):  http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/11977

a 5 minutes cut:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DOv4KPkUDY

In the broad sense there are millions, and maybe billions, of part time unwitting  Epicureans spread all over the world.

I call part time unwitting Epicureans all those who don’t know much or anything about Epicurus and his teachings but share, for the most part, the Epicurean belief system and behave most of the time as you’d expect an Epicurean to behave, i.e. they

• think, talk and work honestly
• manage their households rationally
• tend to communal self-sufficiency
• contribute to the sustenance of their smaller or larger communities
• try to make the best out of their lives without harming others
• refuse the use of force and coercion in spreading their ideas
• are tolerant with others’ world views and lifestyles
• do not believe in the force of destiny or supernatural powers
• accept the validity of scientific methods and results
• are reliable and committed friends, partners, parents, coworkers
• are friendly with their friends and polite with everyone else
• respect the written and unwritten  laws  of the country where they live
• base their interactions on the principles of mutuality and contractuality

In the narrow sense, however, there are no full time practicing Epicureans that I know of, as of 2011. There are no Epicurean schools, no Epicurean education system  and no Epicurean communities to teach, practice and cultivate a communal  Epicurean conduct of life.

As a member of a long time dormant Italian Epicurean mailing list I was pleasantly surprised these days to see that the members started naming the places where they live and whether they are able and/or willing to host Epicureans so that they can get to know each other personally.

This initiative could even develop one day into something like the Pasporta Servo (Passport Service, the hospitality service for Esperantists) as soon as the Epicureans develop something like a consciously practiced common culture (and choose a common language to interact with Epicureans coming from another linguistic background.)

http://www.politicsofwellbeing.com/2011/06/kalle-lasn-founder-of-adbusters-on.html?spref=fb

Ancient Epicureans had up to 30 “buy nothing days” a month. Even wealthy Roman Epicureans reserved 3-7 days a month for austerity: they slept on the hard floor and ate only bread and drank only water. The sense of this exercise was to keep up their faith in the doctrine that what [is thought by most people as] hard is in fact easy to put up with. It showed them that they can be happy without their belongings, supplies and services – a state pretty often achieved in cases when the emperor wanted their property for his friends and exiled them.

I had periods in my life when I had to live on extremely meager resources and I can say that this fact never affected my mental well being. Even if I don’t need to convince myself of this fact I still keep a bread-and-water day every now and then, just as a reminder of one of the techniques of stress-FREEDOM.

“pride is an inward directed emotion that exemplifies either a high sense of one’s personal status or ego (i.e., leading to judgments of personality and character) or the specific mostly positive emotion that is a product of praise or independent self-reflection.” (Wikipedia)

Especially Epicureans should be ashamed of it and work hard at getting rid of it as soon as possible since its ugly head indicates an over-inflated ego or a dangerous vulnerability to praise. If independent self-reflection should lead to pride one ought to improve one’s self-reflective skills. Urgently.

I can’t help feeling proud of my friends, though.

It took me over forty years to understand that I don’t understand the correlation between my needs, my desires and the way I satisfy those desires, resulting in stressing myself, my  friends and family, my coworkers and supervisors, clients and suppliers. It took me another five years to read all the relevant books on Epicurean life techniques and happiness studies to work my way out of the jungle and another five years to hone my tools by using them to set people free of their self-defeating beliefs and  unhealthy habits and help them dismantle the walls they build between themselves and their pathway to happiness through congruence and stress-FREEDOM. It took me another year and the invaluable support of my wife to write a wise AND funny book for those who are interested in spending the rest of their lives walking toward their own happiness instead of working for their own or someone else’s greed.

My friends, however, must have been born wise and don’t seem to need the distilled fruits of hard-earned practical wisdom packed in nicely wrapped palatable pieces of advice. They must be champions in analyzing their desires, in satisfying their natural needs through synergistic satisfiers, in keeping their lifestyle and behavior patterns in line with their values and attitudes, serenely threading down their own proven pathways from pain to pleasure, producing their own happiness though congruence and stress-FREEDOM.

I must assume they do all this judging from the absence of their comments on the excerpts of my book that I have been publishing in sequels in my blog. The only topic they mildly reacted to was sequel 15: “How Is It Possible To Find Romantic Love? “

Complete strangers ask me when  will my book be available in print and on kindl, when will I start training and coaching sessions on the Galenian Epicurean Conduct of Life, or at least publicly speak about it. (Which I don’t’ know yet. I still have to take care of my health and the happiness of my family.)

But it’s a relief that my friends are doing well, confidently threading their own pathways toward happiness.( Or what they believe is happiness?)

It’s a shame to feel proud but who could help not being proud of them? (Maybe Epicurus?)

Take-Aways From Desires

• We need to debate with ourselves the pros and cons, short-term and long-term, when faced with a decision whether or not to fulfill a desire.
• Frequently, satisfying a desire has consequences for others and should be carefully considered.
• There is usually a difference between needs and desires. However, sometimes the distinction becomes a little blurry, which should not be a cause for concern.

To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/

What would you do?

Newlyweds Scrimp and Save must decide whether to design and build their own custom home or purchase an existing home that is not quite what they want. If they start from scratch and build their home, they would need to find a place to live while they wait for it to be finished. They treasure their new-found privacy and independence after graduating college, so they are seriously considering renting a small apartment for the possibly four-to six-month period. There are a few drawbacks to this idea, however.

• One, they would need to ask Save’s parents, who are retired, to keep their dog, which could be an inconvenience to them and prevent the young couple from being with their dog as much as they would like.
• Two, their rent payment could go instead towards the new furnishings they would like to have in their new home.

They do have an alternative: Scrimp’s parents have offered to house the newlyweds in their finished basement, rent-free. This arrangement would eliminate the dog problem and help them save a considerable amount of money, but there would be several drawbacks:

• A lack of privacy
• The need to endure several months of second-hand smoke
• A potentially awkward living situation, and
• The necessity of living out of boxes for the duration of their stay.

Or they can avoid all of these conflicting desires by purchasing an existing home to live in for a few years until other options present themselves.

Their options are to:

• Deny their desire for privacy and live with Save’s parents so they can tend to their dog and save money for a long-term goal;
• Live more comfortably in a small apartment while indulging the interests of most newlyweds and agreeing to postpone purchases needed for their new home.
• Buy a less-than-ideal house.

To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/

When Desires Seem Like Needs

It can be difficult to tell the difference between wants and needs, because sometimes the difference seems very small, even nonexistent. Everything gets mooshy. Let’s talk about a 13-year-old girl. Because her father, who grew up in a different culture, believes that girls should have long hair tied up on top of their heads, Heidi is not allowed to style her hair the way the other junior high school girls can. The mean girls taunt her because her hairdo is so old-fashioned and uncool. She’s becoming more withdrawn and less willing to participate in any social activities outside of school. She is willing to keep her hair no shorter than shoulder length — definitely no mohawks — if she can persuade her father to meet her halfway.

Does Heidi need to fit in with the other girls, or does she just desire to? Some of you will say it’s a need, while others will say it is a strong desire. The best answer is: It doesn’t make any difference. The situation brings Heidi much pain. The best thing she can do is negotiate with her father. If he won’t come around and she decides to cut her own hair in spite of it, then there could be consequences, but Heidi would likely compare those consequences with the discomfort of her current situation to reach a decision.

If I have great difficulty falling asleep without my iPod playing my relaxing music, do I need it or do I just want it very much? Again, it doesn’t matter. I won’t worry about it (unless my mate decides to sleep in another room — not a positive outcome, in my humble opinion).

To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/

When Desires Collide

This may be a good time for the “Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test (or maybe the more stringent Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test): Do the short-term benefits of a routine vacation outweigh any future consequences via the financing of your trip? Make a list of your goals (relaxation? snorkeling? a rich tan?) and a list of drawbacks (penalty for withdrawal from retirement fund? struggle to repay yourself? looming need for college tuition?) so you can do a cost/benefit comparison. But remember, you are the only judge. After your reasoned analysis, if you choose the annual tropical vacation, you will know that you did so by taking, and passing, the Epi-test.
A bumper sticker available online:

I’m looking forward to regretting this

There is a sub-corollary to Corollary #3: We must use caution if we hear ourselves use this particular phrase repeatedly in our analyses: I deserve it. We definitely are not the best judges of what we deserve. And that belief implies there are those who aren’t deserving. How on earth could we know that?

To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/

Be Careful What You Wish For

Back to the tricky business of desires for a minute. Here’s a quick overview of the facts:

• Whether or not we fulfill our desires is a matter of choice.  If we’re not very careful in our decision-making process, we can end up worse off than we were before.
• At times our own desires clash.
• Sometimes the line between our desires and needs becomes a little blurry.

Speaking of choice…

Let’s agree that pleasure is good. Epicurus has even put his stamp of approval on indulging our sexual appetites to the extent we choose, provided the adventure is legal and safe and doesn’t encroach on anyone else’s rights to a peaceful life. However, the path to achieving a state of being anxiety- and stress-FREE is sometimes slippery, sometimes bumpy, sometimes plagued with confusing intersections, and sometimes a dead-end. This eGuide is my attempt to offer you a roadmap for your journey towards an anxiety-free state of mind, what I call stress-FREEDOM.

Corollary #1: Not all desires should be fulfilled, because not all pleasure is worth choosing. If we decline to pursue a desire and as a result feel no anxiety or stress, Epicurus would declare that to be proof that the desire was unnecessary at the start. He would advise us to confront every desire with these questions:

• What shall I gain by gratifying this desire?
• What shall I lose by suppressing it?
• Will indulging this desire cause pain, discomfort, and anxiety to me or to others?

Corollary #2: Fulfillment of desires can have unpleasant future or long-term consequences. If we honestly answer Epicurus’s three questions, we will be able to deny ourselves the indulgence of many desires that don’t justify their stressful consequences. In the same way, we can endure anxiety and stress when we believe doing so will bring us a greater pleasure.

Corollary #3: We can occasionally be our own worst enemy.

While overeating, binge drinking, doing recreational drugs and being promiscuous may seem like a good idea at the time because of their ability to bring immediate pleasure, their feel-good results are short-lived, while their consequences can bring us, and perhaps others, great pain and stress, sometimes lasting a lifetime.

This is not, of course, the only way we can betray ourselves. How many times have you said to yourself, “I work hard and I deserve it”? Maybe you are frugal or a regular garden-variety tightwad and want to buy fresh flowers for your kitchen table. If you do, there’s probably no harm done.  Maybe you have an inheritance and want to tour Europe while you have the opportunity. That doesn’t seem unreasonable, either. Maybe you take a yearly trip to the Caribbean by giving yourself a “loan” from your retirement plan. Have you thought through whether that is in your long-term best interest?

To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/