When Desires Collide (PP23)
Here’s sequel 23 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
When Desires Collide
This may be a good time for the “Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test (or maybe the more stringent Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test): Do the short-term benefits of a routine vacation outweigh any future consequences via the financing of your trip? Make a list of your goals (relaxation? snorkeling? a rich tan?) and a list of drawbacks (penalty for withdrawal from retirement fund? struggle to repay yourself? looming need for college tuition?) so you can do a cost/benefit comparison. But remember, you are the only judge. After your reasoned analysis, if you choose the annual tropical vacation, you will know that you did so by taking, and passing, the Epi-test.
A bumper sticker available online:
I’m looking forward to regretting this
There is a sub-corollary to Corollary #3: We must use caution if we hear ourselves use this particular phrase repeatedly in our analyses: I deserve it. We definitely are not the best judges of what we deserve. And that belief implies there are those who aren’t deserving. How on earth could we know that?
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
Be Careful What You Wish For (PP22)
Be Careful What You Wish For
Back to the tricky business of desires for a minute. Here’s a quick overview of the facts:
- Whether or not we fulfill our desires is a matter of choice. If we’re not very careful in our decision-making process, we can end up worse off than we were before.
- At times our own desires clash.
- Sometimes the line between our desires and needs becomes a little blurry.
Speaking of choice…
Let’s agree that pleasure is good. Epicurus has even put his stamp of approval on indulging our sexual appetites to the extent we choose, provided the adventure is legal and safe and doesn’t encroach on anyone else’s rights to a peaceful life. However, the path to achieving a state of being anxiety- and stress-FREE is sometimes slippery, sometimes bumpy, sometimes plagued with confusing intersections, and sometimes a dead-end. This eGuide is my attempt to offer you a roadmap for your journey towards an anxiety-free state of mind, what I call stress-FREEDOM.
Corollary #1: Not all desires should be fulfilled, because not all pleasure is worth choosing. If we decline to pursue a desire and as a result feel no anxiety or stress, Epicurus would declare that to be proof that the desire was unnecessary at the start. He would advise us to confront every desire with these questions:
- What shall I gain by gratifying this desire?
- What shall I lose by suppressing it?
- Will indulging this desire cause pain, discomfort, and anxiety to me or to others?
Corollary #2: Fulfillment of desires can have unpleasant future or long-term consequences. If we honestly answer Epicurus’s three questions, we will be able to deny ourselves the indulgence of many desires that don’t justify their stressful consequences. In the same way, we can endure anxiety and stress when we believe doing so will bring us a greater pleasure.
Corollary #3: We can occasionally be our own worst enemy.
While overeating, binge drinking, doing recreational drugs and being promiscuous may seem like a good idea at the time because of their ability to bring immediate pleasure, their feel-good results are short-lived, while their consequences can bring us, and perhaps others, great pain and stress, sometimes lasting a lifetime.
This is not, of course, the only way we can betray ourselves. How many times have you said to yourself, “I work hard and I deserve it”? Maybe you are frugal or a regular garden-variety tightwad and want to buy fresh flowers for your kitchen table. If you do, there’s probably no harm done. Maybe you have an inheritance and want to tour Europe while you have the opportunity. That doesn’t seem unreasonable, either. Maybe you take a yearly trip to the Caribbean by giving yourself a “loan” from your retirement plan. Have you thought through whether that is in your long-term best interest?
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
Epicurus’s Classification of Desires (PP21)
Epicurus’s Classification of Desires
Epicurus differentiated among desires: To him, some were natural and others were vain (surgery for a more bountiful bosom? regular visits to a tanning booth?). Of the natural, he classified some as necessary and others as not necessary (whips and chains, excessive drug use, a bidet in every bathroom?). The necessary natural desires he further broke down into three groups: our desires for that which is necessary for survival (food and water, shelter, clothing and protection), our desires for that which allows for the unimpeded functioning of our bodies, or comfort (somatos aochlesia) and our desires for that through which we can obtain a state of happiness (eudemonia). Our desires in each of these three categories of necessary natural desires must be fulfilled if we are to achieve an anxiety- and stress-FREE state of mind (ataraxia) — which is exactly what Epicurus considered the ultimate goal: a completely pain-free state. For example, if we are hungry or sick, it doesn’t matter if we are well-clad and if we don’t have shoes it doesn’t matter if we are healthy. Our peace of mind will be disturbed and an ongoing state of stress-FREEDOM is impossible.
Epicurus might have a few words to say about this business (a la former U.S. president Richard Nixon who, at the height of the Watergate mess, said, “Let me say this about that.”). Now don’t misunderstand; Epicurus was all for pleasure, and indeed heartily indulged in some of his own. But if he were here today, he might say that our desires should be put through the “Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test before we order the schooner building kit or make reservations for a two-week safari in Tanzania. But more about that later.
According to Epicurus, pleasure is our first and closest good, and our own personal feeling is the rule by which we evaluate the good of everything. This section will illustrate how to banish stress and anxiety by helping us make the best choices that will bring authentic pleasure instead of just another layer of pain in the form of inner turmoil.
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
Moving Targets and Other kinds of Desires (PP20)
Here’s sequel 20 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
Epicurus might have a few words to say about this business (a la former U.S. president Richard Nixon who, at the height of the Watergate mess, said, “Let me say this about that.”). Now don’t misunderstand; Epicurus was all for pleasure, and indeed heartily indulged in some of his own. But if he were here today, he might say that our desires should be put through the “Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test before we order the schooner building kit or make reservations for a two-week safari in Tanzania. But more about that later.
According to Epicurus, pleasure is our first and closest good, and our own personal feeling is the rule by which we evaluate the good of everything. This section will illustrate how to banish stress and anxiety by helping us make the best choices that will bring authentic pleasure instead of just another layer of pain in the form of inner turmoil.
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
Is There Something Wrong with Having Desires? (PP19)
Here’s sequel 19 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
There Something Wrong with Having Desires?
The definitive answer: It depends. It’s never wrong to seek pleasure, if we agree with Epicurus that pleasure is the absence of pain in the body and trouble in the soul — also known as anxiety. He considered no pleasure to be an evil itself, but believed that some of the ways we use to produce pleasure have consequences far greater than the pleasures themselves. More about that later.
People with desires wish for or even pine away for something they don’t have in their possession, material or otherwise. We all have desires, because we all seek to make our lives better: more fun, more comfortable, more luxurious, more beautiful, or more sophisticated; and make ourselves better: thinner, wiser, blonder, more muscular, more beautiful, more talented, more patient, more hirsute, more fun, younger-looking, or more popular (or, more likely, a combination of the above).
One may desire to lose weight. Another may wish for early retirement or better health. A young adult may desire courtship and marriage; a wife may wish her husband didn’t drink so much. A man may desire a larger house, a bigger paycheck, or a faster boat. Some may want their enemies to be run over by a bus. Some of us believe we won’t — or can’t — be happy until our desires are met. So we continually strive to meet them. But our desires can be tricky business, because they’re frequently moving targets.
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
Desires (PP18)
Here’s sequel 18 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter3: DESIRES)
Desires
[Or “Let’s Hear From the Old Smart Guys”]
If we didn’t have desires, Santa Claus would be out of job, and NOBODY wants to send Santa to the unemployment office. And not only Santa would be downsized. Entire industries are built around our desires: luxury car makers, furniture producers, swimming pool builders, haute-couture clothing creators, advertising moguls, and tourism and weight loss experts. In fact, one wonders if, were we all to stop having desires, the economies of many countries would collapse.
For this section, we’ll use this definition of desire:
A strong feeling of being unsatisfied with one’s possessions or current emotional or physical state.
A desire is similar to one’s libido, except that rather than a drive for sexual intimacy it is a drive for an external object or a different state of being. (And, like libido, exhibits varying levels of intensity.)
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
FREE Report about stress
Download instantly your copy!