Satisfiers (PP27)
Here’s sequel 27 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 4: SATISFIERS)
Satisfiers
You may not need a review of the preceding two sections (Needs and Desires), but I do:
- We have fundamental needs, including nutrition, oxygen, affection, sex, and sleep.
- We have the no-less important needs for shelter and safety, love and belonging, and respect.
- We have desires that by themselves are neither good nor bad. Rather, their “goodness” or “badness” is judged by the consequences of the method we choose to fulfill them.
Satisfaction of needs and desires is necessary for our quality of life, including our need to achieve our potential as healthy and self-reliant human beings.
We will define satisfier as:
Any agent capable of fulfilling a need or desire; the agent can be a material object, a situation, a service, a fantasy, an action or an event
We won’t distinguish between needs and desires in our exploration of satisfiers. Whether they are one or the other isn’t relevant for this discussion.
Remember the Epi-test in the Desires section, the “Are-You-Really-Sure-You-Want-to-Do-This” test with its three questions?
- What shall I gain by gratifying this desire?
- What shall I lose by suppressing it?
- Will indulging this desire cause pain and discomfort or anxiety for me or others?
None of us wants to apply Epicurus’s criteria to every decision we want to make. It would grow mighty tiresome to pull over to the side of the road so we can consider the effect of saturated fats on our arteries or the possibility of staining a nice shirt with a drip of Chunky Monkey if we occasionally want to satisfy a desire for ice cream on a hot day.
Likewise, even if you know you always wake up with a bad headache after drinking red wine, you may decide to throw caution to the wind and have a glass or two on a special occasion if your need for belonging overtakes your conscience. (I think I hear Epicurus saying, “Suit yourself, pal. At least you have aspirin. We never did.”)
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
I am proud of my friends
I don’t believe pride is an emotion anybody should be proud of experiencing if
“pride is an inward directed emotion that exemplifies either a high sense of one’s personal status or ego (i.e., leading to judgments of personality and character) or the specific mostly positive emotion that is a product of praise or independent self-reflection.” (Wikipedia)
Especially Epicureans should be ashamed of it and work hard at getting rid of it as soon as possible since its ugly head indicates an over-inflated ego or a dangerous vulnerability to praise. If independent self-reflection should lead to pride one ought to improve one’s self-reflective skills. Urgently.
I can’t help feeling proud of my friends, though.
It took me over forty years to understand that I don’t understand the correlation between my needs, my desires and the way I satisfy those desires, resulting in stressing myself, my friends and family, my coworkers and supervisors, clients and suppliers. It took me another five years to read all the relevant books on Epicurean life techniques and happiness studies to work my way out of the jungle and another five years to hone my tools by using them to set people free of their self-defeating beliefs and unhealthy habits and help them dismantle the walls they build between themselves and their pathway to happiness through congruence and stress-FREEDOM. It took me another year and the invaluable support of my wife to write a wise AND funny book for those who are interested in spending the rest of their lives walking toward their own happiness instead of working for their own or someone else’s greed.
My friends, however, must have been born wise and don’t seem to need the distilled fruits of hard-earned practical wisdom packed in nicely wrapped palatable pieces of advice. They must be champions in analyzing their desires, in satisfying their natural needs through synergistic satisfiers, in keeping their lifestyle and behavior patterns in line with their values and attitudes, serenely threading down their own proven pathways from pain to pleasure, producing their own happiness though congruence and stress-FREEDOM.
I must assume they do all this judging from the absence of their comments on the excerpts of my book that I have been publishing in sequels in my blog. The only topic they mildly reacted to was sequel 15: “How Is It Possible To Find Romantic Love? “
Complete strangers ask me when will my book be available in print and on kindl, when will I start training and coaching sessions on the Galenian Epicurean Conduct of Life, or at least publicly speak about it. (Which I don’t’ know yet. I still have to take care of my health and the happiness of my family.)
But it’s a relief that my friends are doing well, confidently threading their own pathways toward happiness.( Or what they believe is happiness?)
It’s a shame to feel proud but who could help not being proud of them? (Maybe Epicurus?)
Take-Aways From the Chapter ‘Desires’ (PP26)
Here’s sequel 26 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
Take-Aways From Desires
- We need to debate with ourselves the pros and cons, short-term and long-term, when faced with a decision whether or not to fulfill a desire.
- Frequently, satisfying a desire has consequences for others and should be carefully considered.
- There is usually a difference between needs and desires. However, sometimes the distinction becomes a little blurry, which should not be a cause for concern.
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
What would you do? (PP25)
Here’s sequel 25 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
What would you do?
Newlyweds Scrimp and Save must decide whether to design and build their own custom home or purchase an existing home that is not quite what they want. If they start from scratch and build their home, they would need to find a place to live while they wait for it to be finished. They treasure their new-found privacy and independence after graduating college, so they are seriously considering renting a small apartment for the possibly four-to six-month period. There are a few drawbacks to this idea, however.
- One, they would need to ask Save’s parents, who are retired, to keep their dog, which could be an inconvenience to them and prevent the young couple from being with their dog as much as they would like.
- Two, their rent payment could go instead towards the new furnishings they would like to have in their new home.
They do have an alternative: Scrimp’s parents have offered to house the newlyweds in their finished basement, rent-free. This arrangement would eliminate the dog problem and help them save a considerable amount of money, but there would be several drawbacks:
- A lack of privacy
- The need to endure several months of second-hand smoke
- A potentially awkward living situation, and
- The necessity of living out of boxes for the duration of their stay.
Or they can avoid all of these conflicting desires by purchasing an existing home to live in for a few years until other options present themselves.
Their options are to:
- Deny their desire for privacy and live with Save’s parents so they can tend to their dog and save money for a long-term goal;
- Live more comfortably in a small apartment while indulging the interests of most newlyweds and agreeing to postpone purchases needed for their new home.
- Buy a less-than-ideal house.
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
When Desires Seem Like Needs (PP24)
Here’s sequel 24 of my Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” (from Chapter 3: DESIRES)
When Desires Seem Like Needs
It can be difficult to tell the difference between wants and needs, because sometimes the difference seems very small, even nonexistent. Everything gets mooshy. Let’s talk about a 13-year-old girl. Because her father, who grew up in a different culture, believes that girls should have long hair tied up on top of their heads, Heidi is not allowed to style her hair the way the other junior high school girls can. The mean girls taunt her because her hairdo is so old-fashioned and uncool. She’s becoming more withdrawn and less willing to participate in any social activities outside of school. She is willing to keep her hair no shorter than shoulder length — definitely no mohawks — if she can persuade her father to meet her halfway.
Does Heidi need to fit in with the other girls, or does she just desire to? Some of you will say it’s a need, while others will say it is a strong desire. The best answer is: It doesn’t make any difference. The situation brings Heidi much pain. The best thing she can do is negotiate with her father. If he won’t come around and she decides to cut her own hair in spite of it, then there could be consequences, but Heidi would likely compare those consequences with the discomfort of her current situation to reach a decision.
If I have great difficulty falling asleep without my iPod playing my relaxing music, do I need it or do I just want it very much? Again, it doesn’t matter. I won’t worry about it (unless my mate decides to sleep in another room — not a positive outcome, in my humble opinion).
To read my complete Epicurean Happiness Guidance “From Pain to Pleasure: The Proven Pathway to Happiness” go to http://stressfreedomguide.com/
back to (almost) normal
Three weeks and three days after having finished the radiation treatment I am almost back to normal. The last week of the treatment and the next two weeks were the most painful and difficult time but the short pangs of intense abdominal pain were alternated by much longer time slots of painlessness. Even in this state I managed to talk to a group of students and faculty at Ripon College about my experiences in working with international refugee-relief organizations, attend official receptions and dinners. I stopped losing weight at a point still above my body-mass index and can now eat and drink almost everything.
I still sleep one or two hours more than before but that does not disturb anyone and I still have to take imodium occasionally.
I started making my daily walks with my kids again and resumed some of my chores, foremost among them cooking. My wiener schnitzel was highly appreciated even by the most critical members of my family.
I am looking forward to the St Patrick’s Day party at one of our friendly neighbors, even though I might not want to indulge in my deep reverence for Jameson whiskey. Yet.
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